To Reach the Tower
I made my own way through the exterior castle grounds. In a revolving manner, I had trounced through the lowlands a mile’s distance from the central castle keep. It stood on the peak of the highest hill of the surrounding moorlands. Grass covered the rolling countryside with a mix of dying bronze blades and yellow-green patches waiting for the next rainfall.
After passing a tour group by the parking lot, I spotted my cousin Heather under a weeping willow and joined her. The summer day was tortuous when expose to the sun and thankfully, was only grueling when standing in the shade of the willow. Portions of the crown’s slender branches hung so low that they seemed to rest on the ground. Through the dangling branches, I saw the gray, weathered stone tower built into a hill that she had been looking at. A gentle stream, to wide and probably to deep to cross without submerging to one’s shoulders, ran between the tower and us.
Heather is a gal that stands around 5’6” and has bright cheeks and wavy, blond hair. She should be a stand-up comedian. She’s usually beaming with excitement and if you know her, you’re waiting to hear the next story that she tells with universal clarity and exaggerating gestures. However, when I turned to speak to Heather, underneath those dreary branches, her face was heavy with distress and sullen.
“You wanna go check out that tower?” I asked.
She looked down at the tour map she held then turned to me, “We can’t get there.”
“Why not?” I really wanted to see the crenellations on the top of the tower walls.
“Because of the crocodiles.”
“Crocodiles?”
“The ones over there,” she said and pointed to my 7 o’clock. I turned and through the lime green willow leaves a gray sidewalk stood out with dark green grass on both sides. My attention was drawn to the right side of the sidewalk. A row of white, dilapidated, one story houses stretched probably half a mile off. Each one had a walkway leading up to the porch and where the left side of the porch ended, stood a white, picketed gate protecting the way to the back yard. Nothing spectacular.
My gaze panned to the left of the sidewalk. A river was to the far left, or was it the moat? I disregarded it because a white sign caught my attention. It was fifteen feet left of the sidewalk and closer to the yard of the second house. A small sheet of plywood a foot from the ground had been nailed to a 2x4 signpost. In red paint letters on white wood it read, “Beware of crocodiles.”
“Crocodiles?” I stated with confusion. At one instance, I was seeing green blades of grass blowing in the wind. My perception shifted as happens when looking at an optical illusion like a reversible figure. At one moment you see the positive space of a vase and then you see the positive space of two human faces staring at each other, but remains the exact same image. The grass swaying in the wind became rows of ossified scutes gently wobbling the 12’ length from a neck, down a back, and all the way to the tip of a leisurely oscillating tail. Rows of beige teeth appeared as a row of grass rose diagonally and changed into a snout. I saw its right eye, and two of its stubby legs. If not for the helpful sign, I would have had to make an educated guess as to whether it was a gator or a croc. But the sign said “crocodiles.”
Five more camouflaged crocs popped out of the grass like spelling errors read aloud. Croc #2 was five or six feet from both the side walk and far side of the sign. Numbers 3 and 4 were an 1/8th a mile down the riverbank and rested beneath a willow. #5 was in the yard of the first house and #6 with the second house.
“You’re right,” I said. Getting to the tower was going to be quite a problem. They were different hues and shades of green. They clapped their sharp-toothed jaws at one another.
Each of them had a spiked collar on their neck that were chained to stakes in the ground. The chains for 5 and 6 were tight enough that they couldn’t reach the sidewalk. 1 and 2 were the primary problems. They were sun bathing close to the croc warning sign but had enough length to their chains that they could probably reach us on the sidewalk.
I had already set my resolve to see those tower crenellations and wasn’t going to be deterred by mere crocodiles. The problem now, was my out of shape cousin Heather. Catching her would be easier for them than catching a turtle on a sandy embankment.
They were big boys and girls too. Snout to tail, they probably ranged 10-15ft. long. The crocs probably weighed what, between 300 and 400lbs? But how fast could they really run to catch me if I was the distraction?
I jogged in place to warm up for my run as I pictured myself sprinting down the sidewalk and veering toward the river. I pass #1 with about 15’ between us. Hopefully, I garner #2’s attention while doing this. When I’m 2/3rds the way to the river, I straighten out and run along it. Those two crocs then pull away from the sidewalk. Heather runs down the sidewalk while #1 and 2 chase me toward the river. With her life the wager, there’s a battle between #5 and #6’s hunger verses the tensile strength of their chains and stakes. As for me, I hope the chain length of croc #2 and crocs #3 and #4 don’t overlap and that I do my best to skirt my way between all of them then curve back toward the sidewalk unharmed. And hopefully there aren’t any more crocs that haven’t been spotted yet.
I bent over and touched my toes. I needed to be as loose as possible to pull this off.
“What are you doing?” Heather asked. Her face had been struck with awe by my audacity. Her mouth was a gaping hole and one brow lifted as the other sank, making her face appear lopsided.
“I’m going to distract them while you run down the sidewalk to the road past the houses. It leads to the tower over there,” I pointed, so she’d look at the majestic craftsmanship that deserved admiration from arms length.
“Are you crazy?”
“Nope. Just fast. I can outrun them.”
She glanced at the crocs. Then back at me. “You can’t outrun them.”
Unfaltering confidence filled my voice. “Sure I can.” With a mocking tone I asked, “How fast can they be? Look at how big they are. They can’t be that fast.”
“Grizzlies are big and fast.”
The advice given to me as a 6yr. old child visiting Yellowstone National Park floated to the foreground of my thoughts. The park ranger stood with arms akimbo outside the Old Faithful Lodge and told us, “Never try to outrun a bear. Climb a tree instead. Many full-grown bears can weigh up to 1,000lbs and still run up to 25mph.”
I ran the plan through my head again. My valiant attempts to outrun the crocs digressed into a futile race ending with either the partial or the entire digestion of my body.
“You know what,” I said to Heather as I stopped stretching, “There’s probably some five or six towers with better crenellations that I can check out up close.”
Still, a part of me wanted to run over and try to touch the white, warning sign without being bitten. I looked croc #1 in the eyes. He looked away. My finger tips pressing against the white woods was the sole thought on my mind for at least ten seconds.
I sprinted for the sign and took Heather’s words away as I did so.